So your cat is a cat. Why is that a joke?


You know, a joke doesn't become a Dad-joke until it is fully groan!

A typical man was always late getting his lady a gift for Christmas. This year he had actually waited until the last day of shopping and had frantically noticed that every store he passed had closed early. Just when he was about to give up hope of finding an open location where he could find her a present he saw the lights of a pet shop. As he approached the door a hand appeared and the "OPEN" sign flipped to reveal "CLOSED."

He banged on the door and an older bespectacled man of diminutive stature appeared and opened the door, He said, "Sonny, you sure are out late, don't you know that it's Christmas Eve?" The "typical man" explained his plight and the old fellow chuckled. "Okay, let me help you find something suitable. How about a goldfish?" "No, said the man, it will just die in a week or so as always. Don't you have a kitten or a puppy?" "I'm so sorry, young man, but we are sold out." the old fellow retorted. "Well, you have to have something... anything... I'm desperate! Wait, what's inside that cage that's covered up?"

"Oh, that? the old man replied. "That's a very special parrot, his name is Chet and he sings Christmas carols." "Seriously?" asked the man. "I must have him! How do you make him sing?" "Well," replied the shopkeeper, you must place either his left or right foot under a source of heat. Let me demonstrate." The old feller took Chet out of the cage gently and placed his left foot just under a warm, festive Christmas light bulb and the remarkable bird began to sing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..." The shopper was amazed and asked, "What about the other foot?" The old man moved the parrot's right foot over the warm light and he began singing, "Deck The Halls With Boughs Of Holly..." The man said, "That's perfect!" and he bought the bird.

The next morning, his lady was looking around under the tree, not noticing the covered cage and asked the late-shopping, typical man, "Did you forget to buy me a girt altogether this year?" "Of course not honey, look!" The man brought out the bird and said, "His name is 'Chet' and he sings Christmas carols." He carefully used a match and showed her the bird's tricks. Not too close, he placed Chet's left foot just under a warm flame and the amazing bird began to sing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..." His lady was impressed asking, "What about the other foot?" The typical man moved the parrot's right foot over the warm light of the match and he began singing, "Deck The Halls With Boughs Of Holly..."

"That's wonderful!" exclaimed the lady. What about his other foot?" The old man moved the parrot's right foot over the warm flame of the match and he began singing, "Deck The Halls With Boughs Of Holly..." The lady remarked, "That's remarkable, is that all he can sing?"

"The man thought for a moment, and, having an idea, he lit a fresh match and positioned it just under the bird, right between his two feet. Just then, the bird began to sing, "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

Why do I get along with Piccolo?


He understands what I'm saiyan.

We come from dust
to dust we must return...
So, when I'm gone, you'll find me
on the many fans of my gaming PC

What is it called when an entire department gets an illness?

A staff infection!

Chemistry teacher: Anyone here knows a joke about sodium?
Classroom: Na!

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."

"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive forms a negative."

A voice piped up from the back of the room, "Yeah, right."

Just reminded me of this one (which I probably posted earlier in this topic, and which is slightly modified, I believe, from a tweet I saw):

Q: Could somebody please tell me how to pronounce の?

A: No.

Q: Why not?

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

all right i know it not a joke but you guys just make me laugh a lot
i was having such a bad day
thank you for making it better

A will is a dead giveaway.

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

How did the doctor cure the invisible man?

He took him to the ICU

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

What did Santa say when he decided to become a pirate?

Yo-ho-ho!