I'll say it once, and I'll say it again. It is the third time.

Just saw a screenshot from some online quick quiz.
Whom Saint Patrick banished from the Ireland:
1. Snakes.
2. Squirrels.
3. Wolves.
4. Brits.

A Canadian friend of mine told me that their prime minister doesn't understand quantum mechanics, I don't know, but I think it's Trudeau.

Sorry, but could you please tell me both where he's located and how fast he's moving?

An old eastern European joke from 60-80's

Grandpa, how do you tell world directions?
Just look at the trains my boy, loaded always goes east.

^ Ha ha.

I heard that there is a new novel out about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog going on an adventure but I couldn't remember the name. Sounded good so I decided to go down to the library to see if they've got it. Looked around and couldn't see it so I asked the librarian if they have it in, she replied:

"It certainly rings a bell but I don't know if we've got it or not"

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I've lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I'm positive.”

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

Ikea releases new maze, here's a drawing:
_____________________________
_____________________________

A flat earther infiltrated his way into a physics seminar
While the speaker was in the midst of his speech on recent theories regarding gravity, the flat earther shouted,

"Why do you even believe that gravity is real?"

Speaker dropped the mic.

Two kayakers were chilly, so they lit a fire in their craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

I asked my girlfriend, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" She responded, "I'd take half and find a new boyfriend!" I replied, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is your six, now get out!"

What do you call a significant other who saves you from drowning?


A buoy friend!

^ Why did it take so long for the Coast Guard to rescue J Lo?

Because, he wasn't ready to let go of his new "buoy friend."