Allright, I'm in:
The Epic Tale of
Seepuorg the Barbarian
Seepuorg the Barbarian felt out of place. For some reason, posting likes on Facebook didn't really suit him. And he never managed to develope any deep love for his smartphone. So he decided to go out into the world.
He soon discovered a mysterious, dark cave. He immediately turned around, and walked into the nearest hardware store, where he bought a really heavy-duty LED torch. Thus equipped, he set off into the no longer quite as dark but still somewhat mysterious cave. Because the whole place were kind of eerie, he set his smartphone to play "I'm your Tamagotchi" on repeat.
At one point, 1d4+6 orcs were supposed to ambush Seepuorg. However, the music from his smartphone kind of threw them off, and when they had collected themselves he was so far down the corridor that it would seems kind of embarrasing to run all the way up to him to ambush him.
Later he saw a silver key lying on a table. He felt that he was somehow obligated to pick it up, and did so.
Bravely, Seepuorg continued onward. Then, suddenly and without warning, the corridor ended at a large, gold door. He tried opening it. It was locked.
Reluctantly, he remembered the silver key that he had found. Yes, he could try if it worked. He put the key in the keyhole and turned. It worked. He opened the door and walked in. He felt that there was something fundamentally wrong with a gold door being opened by a silver key. It just felt wrong, somehow. He realized that what inhabited this relatively dark and mysterious cave must be extraordinary twisted.
Behind the door, he discovered a tall figure, clad in a black cloak. His red eyes were glowing menacing in the dark.
"I -" began the figure.
"Asshole!" said Seepuorg The Barbarian and threw his smartphone at him.
The fiend easily survived the attack. "It takes more than that to defeat me!" said the cloak guy.
"One moment!" said Seepuorg. He then left the cave and walked back home, picked up his laptop, walked back into the cave and threw it right at the cloak guy's face.
"What the fuck?" explained the cloak guy, and then he died.
Seepuorg then found a gold key. He knew he was supposed to use it on the silver coffin in the corner, but he had enough of this. He just left the cave, dertermined to become a cyborg pirate.
Post edited December 04, 2014 by KasperHviid