Oh my god, that'd be hilarious. Perfect ninja trolling.

The promised battle report is now done. Since it grew to somewhat novella size, I will post it in parts due to the character size limit, with 10 minutes in-between so as to avoid post merging. Makes it maybe more dramatic too that way ;) But feel free to post between my parts if you like, that's totally fine.

The last part of the report will have all relevant numbers attached as images. Also, I will send out the code for Volgarr when I'm done putting all this up. Will be soon now. I hope you'll enjoy reading maybe some of your bits and the final battle step at least, I know this is a very long read :)

= What was the riddle about? =

1. I know that I hung on a windy tree,

Taken from the poem Hávamál, where the following line talks about "nine long nights", which refers to step 9 in the 15-step battle list. Instructing you to use Sword Attack, as you'll be sheltered from flame close-by and thus safe from the monster's Inferno Breath.

2. And before the blaze, a moment tranquil.

Before step 9, at step 8 is a safe window where you could e.g. use Prayer to Odin to heal.

3. Raidō, the towering shadow does not reach far.

Raidō, the fifth rune in the runic alphabet talks about step 5, where using Spear Throw will save you from the melee-type Crushing Stomp.

4. A Norweg chart of the broadsword and the beast unveils an opportunity.

Jethro Tull's song "The Broadsword and the Beast" came in at number 14 in the Norway (Norweg) charts. Step 14 provides an opportunity to perform an action (attack, pray etc.) without taking damage and without restrictions that boss actions like Bone Armor or the step following Ashen Gaze of Silencing would impose.

Find all that here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runes
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Broadsword_and_the_Beast

*This is not going well bump*

[STEP 5]
Unfazed and like true berserkers, hyperagathon (6|2/6/2) and Green_Hilltop (11|5/11/5) hack away now with their swords, the fierce attack gets answered by another Crushing Stomp from Yer Monstrosity (9/9/32), coming down on all but those frantic sword wielders (but they cut themselves in their madness).

Their shields save them from some stomping and reflect part of the hurt back onto the monster: adaliabooks (5|6/6/4), te_lanus (6|3/3/3) and Gnostic (6|3/3/3). aJillSandwich (0/0/9) thought of Valhalla in a moment of fear, but that comes too early here. Landing a small sword hit that still singes some fur is trying grimwerk (1/3/9). Finally, a healing aura descends upon those kneeling in prayer, lifting their spirits: zeogold (2/0/7), mikopotato (1/0/8), dtgreene (3/0/6) and Habanerose (4/0/5).

A ghostly image of the bone caster appears in front of the warriors, and she whispers: "You should've listened to me, fools..." before dissolving again.

[STEP 6]
zeogold (0/0/0) - still following a tactic stolen from the chieftain - charges a spear, while mikopotato (4/4/0) does a lunge attack with an extinguished sword. Shielding the group of praying Vikings - Habanerose (5/0/-5), dtgreene (2/0/-2), adaliabooks (2/0/-2) and aJillSandwich (1/0/-1) - are Gnostic (0/0/0) and grimwerk (0/0/0), better safe than sorry their motto.

While the Boss (0/0/17) lets an Ashen Gaze of Silencing sweep its foul lair, hyperagathon (3|5/3/5), te_lanus (7|5/7/5) and Green_Hilltop (3|2/3/2) go to town with freakish fervor. Minutes of chest-pounding, apish screams and shin kicks later, they find themselves once more laying about on the cave floor, aching all over.

[STEP 7]
The Furry Death (10/10/0) brings its claws together ceremoniously now. A deep, mind-poisoning chant lets a sick cloud form directly above our stunned Vikings, as a wicked Rain of Skulls goes down on them mercilessly and hits each for 10 damage. Green_Hilltop look out, we don't want to lose you! Not looking so good my friend.

[STEP 8]
zeogold (0/0/0) is haunted by a vision of Valhalla, but it's not time yet. Almost like having received a prophetic vision, mikopotato (0/0/0) charges a spear as Huge Claws (0/0/0) goes for turtle defense with Bone Armor once more. Throwing a doomed, useless spear is thus Habanerose (0/0/0), prayers to Odin only help dtgreene (5/0/-5) and aJillSandwich (4/0/-4). Miles above them, the latter makes the shaman smile.

Swords of adaliabooks (0/0/0) and te_lanus (0/0/0) clang in vain against the monster's skeletal fortification. Kneeling behind shields are Gnostic (0/0/0) and grimwerk (0/0/0). In a perhaps last desperate attack, hyperagathon (0|3/0/3) and Green_Hilltop (0|1/0/1) let loose in such a barbarian but elegant way even their foe can't help but admire their mad courage. Swords slash, spears are set to impale but these attacks merely end up hurting those two brave Vikings themselves.

[STEP 9]
Hellspawn (11/11/46) inhales with the sound of rusty chains drawn over shards of broken glass and out comes a stream of liquid fire, its blazing Inferno Breath. Habanerose (1|1/1/10) and Gnostic (4|1/1/7), somewhat protected behind their shields, send some of that fiery mess right back. mikopotato (4/4/11) throws a charged spear over the heads of zeogold (6/6/0) and grimwerk (6/6/0), who contribute nicely to that damage done with intricate sword play. "Some have heeded my words it seems," the bone caster mutters in her hut.

dtgreene (1/0/10) is praying in a pool of lava. The heatwave hits hyperagathon (8|6/8/6), adaliabooks (4|4/4/4), te_lanus (6|3/6/3), aJillSandwich (3|4/3/4) and Green_Hilltop (7|3/7/3) right at the same time, and they go insane with blood lust, intending to carve into the monster's hide the full alphabet of runes. They take some burns in turn.

[STEP 10]
Awkward, as Gnostic (0/0/0), adaliabooks (0/0/0) and mikopotato (0/0/0) cower behind their shields while Vile Unnamed (0/0/0) initiates Bone Armor once again - similar move! Seeing an opportunity, te_lanus (0/0/0) is charging a spear. Good thing dtgreene (2/0/-2) is already praying, for Green_Hilltop's (0|6/0/6) unrelenting volcanic temper gets snuffed on impact with the monster's calcified breastplate. It's one of those tragedies where sadness is alleviated partly due to an intense Whoa! moment of heroic sacrifice. Valhalla awaits, warrior. Walk up the steps, deservedly.

On witnessing their companion go, the rest of the war group lose it a lot. Habanerose (0|6/0/6), zeogold (0|3/0/3), hyperagathon (0|1/0/1), grimwerk (0|1/0/1) and aJillSandwich (0|2/0/2) throw every- and anything they've got towards their badly wounded enemy, but to no avail. Bone Armor denies. Fresh wounds are all theirs, for now.

bump again.

[STEP 11]
Beckoning with talons like oversized scythes, the Ghastly Netherborn (10/10/37) sweeps the room, using Evil Claw. Gnostic (2|5/5/8) and aJillSandwich (4|6/6/6) shield themselves as well as dtgreene (4/0/6), zeogold (1/0/9) and adaliabooks (6/0/4) who fell back to ask for blessings from the heavens. Stepping around this group to partly avoid the shield-reflected hurt, the vile foe plucks a battle-crazed mikopotato (11|6/11/6) out of the air in mid-jump, the other claw snatches up an also-praying Habanerose (1/0/9). Bone-crunching commences.

grimwerk (3|5/3/5), running to aid those dying companions, summons an inner geyser of pillaging lunacy, but receives more pain than this Viking can inflict. te_lanus' (12/12/0) charged spear is thrown with such precision and power, it catches fire on its flight before impacting with the monster's sternum and proceeds to move all the way through its massive body. Staggering now is It, dropping lost mikopotato and lifeless Habanerose before crashing face-down onto the ground, burying hyperagathon (0/0/10) underneath.

Dust settles after a while, the Nameless stirs finally no more. A bell sounds from Valhalla afar and pancaked hyperagathon lives! It is a miracle, Odin be praised! The surviving warriors see runes of victory appear on the skin for the mightiest among them all, te_lanus! A mark from Odin to be worn with pride. And up through the cavernous underworld they go, ascending with mourning on their minds for fallen comrades, but heavy hearts lightened by the victory achieved.

= THE END =

See number crunch data for this battle attached :)

The important thing: congrats to te_lanus! Still standing and with an incredible 33 damage dealt, we have a winner. Your code will be sent out shortly!

Finally, thank you all for hopefully having a little fun with this. Me, I've learned to really appreciate that we have computers doing all the number work in our RPGs ;)

Congratulations te_lanus for your clever strategizing!
I'm pretty pleased with my result, second most damage done of those left alive. I'm amazed we managed to kill the beast to be honest... good job everyone!

Edit: Oh yeah, and thanks for the awesome giveaway. Really loved the idea and reading the battle report :)

Thanks so much for participating. Really appreciate you getting into it. Yeah, with 17 damage dealt (and having survived the battle), you did quite alright :)

I admit that I kind of got the riddle right, but completely missed all the hints for timing and just ran the actions suggested from the start (which I knew didn't make much sense).
Should have put more effort into it...

I did my part ;)

Happy that the riddle got some attention at least. Didn't seem too difficult when I built it, but that's likely always the case from that viewpoint ;)

Amazing battle report! Thanks for expending all that effort, chevkoch. I'm definitely in for future massacres.

That said, I only dished out 12 damage. So my fellow barbarians may leave me back at the village to babysit or wait for the UPS man or something.

1. Wash stone dishes.
2. Patch hole in leather curtains with mud.
3. Tell Krug not hit little sister.
4. Mash sheep brain for ancestors.
5. Tell Krug not hit little sister.
6. Sharpen club.
7. Tell Krug not hit little sister.
8. Clean up pet wolf mess in cave.
9. Clean up pet goat mess in cave.
10. Tell Krug not hit little sister.
11. Berserker freak out.

To be fair that was 3rd best of those still alive... so not bad at all :)
It certainly makes sense now you've explained it... like I said the actions to perform were clear enough but I didn't spot the pattern of numbers in it to realise they were the steps the actions should have been performed...

Congratz to te_lanus.

Well, at least you lived... :P

I'm dying laughing here, this list is the ultimate win. Like adaliabooks said though, you did fine. They couldn't have done it without you for sure. And thanks a bunch for enjoying this stint! If I ever do something like this again, maybe there is a way to have players be involved more interactively with each other than just asking for one turn-based action list. And find a way to cut down on back office work too, this took longer than I anticipated ;)