anyone got any good jokes?


one hat said to the other hat "you stay here, i'll go on ahead"

did you hear about the canible that arrived late at the dinner party? he got the cold shoulder!

did you hear about the cartoonist that coudlnt draw conclusions? he was murdered yesterday, and they coudln't catch the culprit becuase the details were sketchy.

yeah

THIS DUDE IS SO FAT HE GOTS PICTURE'S OF FOOD IN HIS WALLET

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place.

They put up a big bold sign which read:
"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:
"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"
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Eclipse Memos

Memo from Director General to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director general disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.



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Dear Math,

Stop asking us to find your X.

She's not coming back and don't ask Y either.

Why did the chicken cross the road? :P

Your momma is so short, you can see her feet in her passport photo!

What do physicists enjoy most about baseball games?

Doing 'the wave'!

Niiiice. ^^

A Finn, Swede and Norwegian went to sauna...

Nah, you wouldn't get it anyway.

Nah, We get it. Fins are bad ass:D

Person A: A thief, a knight, and a wizard enter a bar...
Person B: That's Trine!
Person A: A human, a minotaur, a lizardman, and an insectoid meet at a prison...
Person B: That's Legend of Grimrock!
Person A: A Finn, Swede and Norwegian went to sauna...
Person B: Uh... they all hate Steam?
Person A: Nope, they love it.

An abbot is introducing a newly arrived monk to his new monastery and showing him around, explaining the duty roster etc. A feeling of shame overcame the monk as he asked a pressing question. "Abbot," began the monk, "what do I do if I feel the need to satisfy my 'manly' urges?"

"Well, my son, that's what this cupboard is for", said the abbot, pointing to an old cupboard. "There's a backside in there that you can pleasure yourself with any time from Tuesday through to Sunday."

"So what about Mondays?", asked the monk.

"Well, my son, that's when you have cupboard duty."

Two elephants see a man at the nude beach.
Asks one of them the other: "How does he eat with this?"

So I'm here in an internet cafe and the biggest fucking nigger I've ever seen is reading every single word I ty

Knock knock
Who's there?
Impatient cow.
Impa-
Moo!