Knock knock
Who's there?
Impatient communist.
Impa-
Mao!

And of course there was this dyslectic Devil worshipper that sold his soul to Santa...

That reminds me of the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stayed awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb ?

Only one, but the light bulb has got to *want* to change.

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A poultry farm that used growth hormones to produce especially large roosters began receiving calls from nymphomaniacs asking about their huge cocks.

there's already a thread for these:

http://www.gog.com/en/forum/general/corny_jokes_put_em_here

Can't believe One Direction's new single is called 'Mohammed is a Cunt'

Well, it is according to the posters I've made and pinned to several Mosques.
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They say the best way to get a girl is to mimic her body language and actions. I tried it out on a girl at the pub but she just slapped me and ran away crying.

I don't know what went wrong, I thought I got her stutter down to a tee.
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Be humble. Jesus drove a Honda but didn't talk about it,.. "For I did not speak of my own Accord" John 12:49
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I dropped my son off at school today when a mother started crying beside me.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"It's my daughter's first day," she said. "I'm just worried that she won't fit in because of her weight."

"Well the doors are a little narrow," I replied.
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I went round to my mates and he said "make yourself at home".

So I kicked him out of the house because I hate visitors.
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MSN News has reported that 7 people have been injured in a motorboating accident.

Fucking hell, how big were those titties???

A pirate with an eyepatch, a hook and a wooden leg goes into a pub. He gets a large glass of rum and sits down to talk to the regulars, who are keen to hear his tales of adventure on the high seas.

"I lost my leg when I fell overboard in a terrible storm," he says. "My crew threw me a rope but before they could haul me up a great white shark bit my leg clean off at the knee."

"What about your hand?" says someone.

"That was the work of my deadliest enemy, Captain Smythe of the Royal Navy. When he finally boarded my ship we fought a duel. I killed him in the end, but not before he'd cut off my hand."

"And what about your eye?" says someone.

"That...well, that happened when a seagull crapped in it."

"Blimey, I'd no idea seagull droppings were so dangerous."

"Well, they're not in themselves. But, you see...it was my first day with the hook."

From Pahkasika, I think:

"When I was young,I got a summer job in a laboratory where they were inspecting specimen from different sea creatures. One day my task was to take samples of a shark into jars, and mark the samples."

"So I wrote to the samples 'Scraped from a shark.'."







Ok, the joke works only in Finnish, so sorry about that.

Haista kaavittu = Scraped from a shark.

Haistakaa vittu = Go fuck yourselves.

Girls are like square roots, if they are under 18 you are better off doing them in your head.

Well played, good sir.

Hesusio, you're funny :D

This is terribad:

Guy walks into a pub with a pet monkey. He challenges the regulars to buy him a drink if he can show then something amazing, and they agree. He lifts a bar stool and smashes it over the monkey's head, whereupon the monkey gets on its knees and performs oral sex on him. The regulars are duly amazed and buy the man a bunch of drinks.

Then a voice shouts from the back of the pub: ''Will you let me have a go for £50?'

'Sure' says the guy with the monkey

'OK' comes the reply 'But don't hit me so hard with the stool'

Why do Khajiit lick their butts? To get the taste of Khajiit food out.

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

edit: Got another one.
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy falls into the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is a clown.

I don't know, but I can only imagine the road's rage when it realises it's been crossed, and the subsequent gruesome demise of the chicken.