Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about those bite marks.

Yeah, wrong wall. It was an honest mistake.

Teletubbies are evil, dirty creatures that must be killed.

I'd actually like to change that :
Long before Gamefaqs, we had to buy magazines and pore over the "cheats" section for the poke programs, to alter how the game stored variables related to lives, ammo, or whatever :P

Resident Evil 1-3. No matter how many times you get bitten by a zombie, you will not turn. Unless you are an NPC.

What game was THAT in?
Monkey Island Series: If you need several arcane ingredients to complete a complex magical ritual, don't worry! You can substitute bad puns for most of the important ones. (Root+Beer=RootBeer! Of course!)

Half-life series: You should never try to break down a door when there's a perfectly good ventilation shaft for you to crawl into nearby. Likewise, you should never try to climb over a barricade if there's a tunnel nearby to go under or around it.
Final Fantasy Games: You can't swim or jump, ever. So if there's a stream crossing your path, you're stuck unless you can find or make a bridge.
Metroid: The fastest way to gain ultimate power is to kill aliens and take their technology, which is invariably more sophisticated than yours, even if the alien race in question has been extinct for decades or centuries.

The most important lesson of all which is jumping constantly makes you move faster than running alone.

a new left 4 dead mod that turns the infected into teletubbies

I saw the video and almost died of laughter...ah, the joy of watching Dipsy's head explode and torrents of blood fly out...

MDK: If you kill the boss of any building, the building will be dissolved into nothingness and sucked into an energy stream.
MDK again: Your reward for saving the world from a hostile alien takeover is a European music video.
Many games by Interplay: Cows are explosive, and sometimes cow-bombs will rain down on you from the sky for no apparent reason.

Fallout: Any problems CAUSED by nuclear weapons can be SOLVED with nuclear weapons.
Dawn of War: Warhammer 40K: No amount of heavy armor will protect you from simple bullets, or even ordinary spears. (Space marines vs. Kroot warriors SOUNDS very one-sided, doesn't it?)

Max Payne 2: Television programs these days absolutely suck, w/o exception. Even the porn isn't very good.

You can actually swim in FFX.

Dammit, I wanted to say that.
Been playing games since 1990 (yes, I was 5 then, what if?) - I owe games my extensive English vocabulary.
Single best thing that games ever did for me.

All your vocabulary are belong to games?

I learned that I must SHOOT THE MEDIC!
Wait, wrong reality.
I AM CREDIT TO TEAM!

Yep, and in AD 1990, game was beginning...
No wait.